I am so numb. I must be internalizing all my fear, anger and grief. Just as I have stopped acting out my anger, my husband has started acting out his. Funny how behaviors you try to break can be mirrored right back at you. Big raucous last night. Told my homeless brother he couldn't stay with me, even though I wanted him too. Had a huge blow-out with the hubby, acting my anger out on him, yep I relapsed. Went and looked for the brother, found him laying on our mom's grave using the plastic flowers as a pillow, so sad...he is bi-polar and uses meth to self medicate. He has NEVER lived on his own, my mom died while he was prison on violation for drug use. I called the hubby and took my brother home for the night, but packed him a little bag of goodies and dropped him off on the street this morning. I am so conflicted. I know I can't save or fix my brother or son, just wish it didn't hurt so much and hurt so many people. I know I need to do some self soothing and re-engage in life with my hubby, just forgot how. This too shall pass.....??