August 31, 2009

Apprehension

My husband and I are leaving this Thursday afternoon to attend a concert, and then headed to the Coast for three nights. We have a friend who will be staying at our house while we are away to keep an eye on things. My son and brother have both been staying at our home this past week. I am concerned about leaving, it always makes me a bit uneasy. The son usuaully has some medical or other drama come up ALWAYS when we are on vacation. But I am going to forge past all my apprehension and go, only answer my phone from the friend staying at our home, and just shut it all out. My husband and I so need this time with each other and to just have some silence, time to read, watch the ocean, have some fun. We both deserve it. Whatever happens while we are away will just have to happen, it will anyways and nothing I can do about it, so I am going to refrain from worrying. Just needed to get this off my chest I guess.

11 comments:

Madison said...

Addiction seems to suck everyone down except those who decide that absolutely nothing will rock their confidence. Your situation is very stressful. I hope you find some peace during your time away.

Messy Girl said...

I know what you mean when you say your son always has medical problems when you are away... as an alcoholic, I ended up in the hospital whenever those who were looking out for me tried to take time out for themselves. That doesn't mean it's your job to watch him - not by a long shot. It just means he's still in the grips of the selfish addiction. I pray your vacation goes smoothly and your son stays well.

Dad and Mom said...

Have a good trip, any crisis can wait for your return.

I always joke, put the body on ice, I'll be back when I feel better.

clean and crazy said...

funny i never thought things like
"i just want my life back", because when i was using, i used because i didn't like my life, i didn't like me. and it was me i was running from. i never thought about mom and dad. i never thought about my daughter i thought about poor little me and how my life was bad because i was born bad. pathetic huh.
i know that today the real change has come in my perception or perspective. how i see me and i see the world. because nothing really has changed has it, i mean there are still addicts out there dying everyday. children get kidnapped and killed, wars are going on all over the world, pollution mass genocide. the list goes on and on. all these things i used to not look at, i would change the channel all i cared about was how to get a shot of dope to numb the life out of me. no matter how hard or how little my mother tried i could not hear or see what she was trying to tell me. the chaos in my life, in my families lives was unreal. today i set boundaries, because some of my family still chooses to live that way, and i just don't let the chaos in. one of our big deals is no lending of money. we do not lend money period. boy this is a hard one for my sister to understand. it is not easy for me either. another thing today i am learning to talk. not yell but talk, when i grew up that was our house we yelled at each other all the time, i thought everybody did, i didn't know yelling was a form of abuse until i got into recovery.
sorry to have gotten so far off track, i just wanted to say that when time goes by and things change sometimes you don't get back what you had, and if you are blessed to get into a program of recovery and start to work your program for you, you sometimes find that a new life is a hundred times better than what you had before. so take some time for you learn to set some boundaries and know that you are only responsible for you and how you react to any situation. and remember no matter what the problem or crisis or situation life may bring the answer always begins with surrender and acceptance. remember it is ok to feel your feelings i am so grateful for my feelings today. enjoy your vacation.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I am glad you are going out to have some fun (which concert???). I know how hard it is! But whatever is going to happen will happen if you are at home or not, so do your best to enjoy and leave your worries behind. I will be praying that you have a great time and all is fine with your son while your gone.

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Madison, you always seem to know how to be so supportive, I thank you for that.

MG-You are so right, it is NOT my job to watch him, thanks for that reminder:)

D&M-Yes, I need a mental vacation for sure!

C&S-It is very touching to hear from the other side of addiction. Thank you for your courage and for helping me to see my situation from my son's "perspective", and reinforcing that what I say and do is not going to help him work his program. Can't hear that enough.

Barbara-I so relate to you and thank you for your continual support.

Susan DeAngelis said...

You deserve this!

Remember, you can't be everywhere -- all of the time.

Have a wonderful time,
Smiles,
Sue

Gin said...

Have a wonderful time and enjoy. You are doing the right thing for youself and your husband by going.

Syd said...

It sounds as if you have a great vacation planned. Enjoy it and don't let manipulations get in the way of that. We all need time to take a small "geographic cure" from the usual occurrences.

Lou said...

I feel for you on this one! For 8 years my husband and I didn't take vacations together because we feared what would happen if we left our house. Once my husband's parents stayed at the house..and of course there was a bunch of drama.

You are right in going. You will regret the time spent chained to someone else's addiction.

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Thanks to all of you. I am feeling a bit less apprehensive and have taken all the steps i can to ensure that our home will be safe while we are away. I appreicate you all and am so looking forward to getting away for a tiny bit:) You guys are the greatest!!!