August 11, 2009

Not really ready yet

I had a good session with my counselor tonight. We came to the conclusion that I am at a stand still right now. Too much death, mourning and depression for me to make a decision about my limits with my son. I have made my son leave my home in the past. He was so high he couldn't walk, stay awake, be even remotely civil or respectful in any way. He usually was pretty ready to leave. I have had so much on my plate lately. I know my son is not really in "recovery". I know that he has used drugs off and on recently. I know he is only half-assing his probation. He has done some good things that I am trying to acknowledge instead of making him feel like he can't accomplish anything, which has been my general attitude in the past due to the resentment that I built up due to his addiction. He has on his own signed up for some college courses, goes to most of his probation meetings, filled out his own financial aid papers. I am trying not to say anything other than "great", etc. No negativity, biting my tounge, not mentioning that I really feel like he will more than likely not be able to handle school due to his inability to stay clean and the only reason he wants to go is for the grant money and to look good for probation. I have been open with my husband and told him that we will deal with the situation and that we will come up with some type of plan. We are going to both meet with my counselor in a couple of weeks to try and get on the same page. He is supportive and I am very lucky to have him. Thank God for my husband! My son has an infected tooth, no insurance and it needs to be pulled. I took him to the dentist, paid for his first visit and the antibiotics he must take for a week before it gets pulled. I told the girl at the desk that I would be paying for any medications and that I would not pay for any opiates, no Vicoden or anything stronger. I told them I would pay for Codeine/Tylenol or Darvocet if the doctor thought it was needed. I told my son this and I told him I would doll them out to him. He was prescribed 800 mg Ibuprofen for now, he wasn't real happy, says he is in pain. I told him if the doctor thought he needed anything stronger he would have prescribed it, and once the infection starts to heal, the pain will be much less. Discussion was over. I will be ready to set my limits, when I am ready, till then, minute by minute. I know I am stalling to keep the fear at bay for me, not probably in his best interests to keep him dependant.

7 comments:

Tall Karen said...

One day at a time, and you just keep getting stronger, and wiser and closer to a solution. God will give you the knowledge and the power to carry it out, when the time is right. Choosing to do nothing, for today, is an action.

Thanks for your honesty. Hugs!

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

It sounds like you are doing the right things...you have a plan ready if needed. I admire you, I feel so weak myself. I can't believe how drugs can mess up so many lives and cause so much heartache. I live in fear and am trying so hard NOT TO.

Madison said...

You mention that, as the adult child of an alcoholic you are controlling and codependent. It's a good thing to recognize and think about. These two things seem to work when you have a very young child who is dependent and easily controlled. After that, I think adult children of alcoholics have to face the fact that controlling and codependent isn't a good way to live - even if their children don't have addiction issues. Learning to change takes time though. Keep the faith!

Lou said...

That is great news that your husband will see the counselor with you. It is SO important to stand together about the issues with Z. If you don't, your son will exploit that to his advantage.

You are doing great, Mom. You set a boundary with the dentist. The more boundaries you practice, the easier it gets. Let him do everything for school by himself. There are people there whose job it is to help him if he needs it.

Brother Frankie said...

you are making healthy choices.

be blessed
brother frankie
a biker for christ

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Thank you all for your comments, it helps fuel my sense of strength and is just more proof to me that I need to make changes from within, for me, not for anyone but me.

Gin said...

Hang in there. I am with everyone else. You are doing the right thing for yourself. Hopefully this will have a positive affect on your son as well as more and more boundries are set.