August 14, 2009

Floundering


Letting go to me sometimes feels like I am a fish, flopping on a rock out of water! Change is such a process and some days are worse than others for sure. Standing back, biting of the tongue (feel like I might have 1/2 a tongue soon), watching the train wreck that is my son's addiction. He is steadily again overwhelming himself with court/probation/medical problems that he has been starting to ignore or procrastinate on. He has failed to show up for his court ordered community service this week and they are turning him in to his probation officer. He has court on another matter in a neighboring county on Monday, not sure about that yet. He has an infected tooth that he is taking (not) antibiotics for. He left them at my house and has been gone a couple of days now. I know, all his stuff, his road to travel and I am not to get in the way of his Plan with God. The tooth thing does worry me the most to be honest along with not knowing if he is laying somewhere OD, but I have been praying a lot and giving it to God, reading Al-Anon material and trying to hit meetings. The Al-Anon meetings are few and far between in my community which really is sad. So here I sit, on my rock feeling slimy and flopping around, yet staying on the same rock:)

3 comments:

Madison said...

You have deep concerns that many of us share. I wish that the doctors and the drug companies could be sued. What is happening to this generation of young people should be a crime. You mention that you are praying. I think that's a powerful thing. I will pray for your son too. Whenever I pray for my daughters, I'll throw your son into the mix. So, you're not totally alone on the rock.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I hope your son is okay. I wish there was an easier way to learn to "let go and let God" and not worry.

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Thank you Madison, I will pray for your daughters when I pray for my son also. I think the doctors and drug companies are just disgised "dealers/pushers". Maybe they shouldn't have changed the laws so that those types of narcotics could be given out so easily, maybe if there were higher consequences for them, they would stop. But, drugs can be gotten anywhere I suppose, so it would only solve part of the problem, but it is a big part of the problem. Barbara, I also wish there was an easier way to let go. I am trying to have the faith, but it is pretty hard when you haven't heard a word from your opiate addicted son in 5 days. I have not control, so I am just trying to live my life. Thank you both so much for responding to me, I don't feel so alone or desperate now.