August 28, 2009


O.K. so I am feeling a bit strange this morning. Like am I really being honest with myself? I don't think I am. I sometimes feel reserved in my writing here and maybe hold back, justify, lie to myself? I feel a bit lost today everyone. My husband is angry and resentful, completely understandable and we have a counseling meeting on Tuesday, hopefully he will get some good out of that. I feel like I am still holding on to my son and my brother. I feel like a failure today, and I guess I am beating myself up..ha!

I keep feeling like I should just "get it", kind of like a quick fix for the big problems. I know better, but still flounder. I know recovery is a process but I just want my life back and can't seem to claim it. I know this probably doesn't make any sense, just letting my fingers do the talking. My son is a drug addict, my brother is bi-polar and a drug addict on parole, my husband is at his wits end and the pressure is mounting. I don't feel like I have the luxury of taking my time figuring this all out. Blah!


Lou said...

You may not be able or ready to go to AlAnon..but you can order a small book from Amazon called "Courage to Change". Every day of the year has a reading. When you are feeling this way, reading the short saying will help you. You don't even have to read the "right" day. Just let it fall open to a page, and see if it is not something you need to hear.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...


Sounds like a rough day. Sometimes I have to give myself permission to just have a day where I don't think, its hard but it helps if I accomplish it :)

I'll be gone all weekend but will check on you when I return!

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Thanks Lou, I actually bought that book about 2 weeks ago and have been reading it at night before sleep or just when I need it. I need to buy a second one for work! Our Al-Anon resources are limited here (shame). I need to get to an online meeting.

Barbara, I am trying to do just that, not THINK...I hope you have an awesome weekend.

Tall Kay said...

You are taking all the right actions. Some days we just don't feel as strong as we do on other days. This too shall pass. We just do our best for today and tomorrow, we usually feel different. I see changes in you already...positive stuff. It just takes time to "get it". Don't be too hard on yourself.

Susan DeAngelis said...

First off, you are NOT a failure. Everyone handles and reacts to things differenly.

Time will heal your pain. Try and be patient and keep talking about. We're all here to listen.

Sending you a big hug,

Prayer Girl said...

Change takes a long time. Be patient with yourself. If you continue to take positive action, you will make progress.

These are not easy situations you are dealing with. They are very difficult. You don't have to do it alone. You have support from bloggers, the literature, and I think if there is no Al-Anon where you are, an on-line meeting sounds good.

God bless,

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Wow, thanks you guys! O.K. minute by minute.

Brother Frankie said...

ya know, when guys in the mens group get the way you are feeling, i tell them they lost their "today". same thing as the moment thing. but we need to stay in the present, the moment.

be blessed
brother frankie
a biker for christ

Cat said...

I was floundering about this time last year and al anon changed my life... I am not a full time al anon pusher, but the steps helped me and the rooms and the meetings and the crying in front of strangers and most importantly: the hearing my own life being told by strangers as well.

Until you are ready, pour out your words here. I am listening.

Syd said...

I found that when I felt most lost, it helped to get down on my knees and pray. I simply ask to do God's will not mine. I also pray for those still sick and suffering. That helps. Hang in there. Reading Courage, saying the Serenity Prayer over and over, and praying really helped me--along with meetings and having a great sponsor to talk to.