August 4, 2009
And they call it Tough Love for a reason!
It is so hard to define detachment with love for me. Usually when I am ready to detach with my addicted son, I am by that time pretty frustrated and angry and my feelings of love are stiffled at best. My husband believes my son went into his room and went through his nightstand drawer. I am sure it is probably my son, but my addicted brother was also at our home for a few days. We now are not allowing my son to stay at our house during the daytime. So my dilema is this: If he is trying to make any positive changes and we drop him off in town with nowhere to go, no car, no plan, how is that even tough love? Seems to me we are just setting him up for failure with that. My son was home last night and not high. He was discussing getting himself signed up for college. He wants me to help him fill out the finanacial aid papers, and all I can think is he is going to get his first check and blow it all, never a positive thought at all. He knows how I feel, but I managed to bite my tounge. If I can't figure out a way to support him with the positive stuff instead of stomping on him, I am doing more damage and it is really detachment with love. My husband is ANGRY now, he has just had it. His expectations are way too high for my son, and he is tired of the rollercoaster of him being high, not being high, doing well, not doing well, etc. He wants it over, doesn't understand it is my only son. He is the stepfather, and a great one who I don't and won't lose as my husband, but I am now in the middle and still confused as ever! I hope someone reads this and reaches out.