December 11, 2009

Update

I still have the check. He came home for a minute last night to grab some of his things. He was high as a kite. I again expressed to him that I can not see him in that state. He never mentioned the check and neither did I. He left pretty quickly and I think he will be gone at minimum the full weekend. Something has gotta give. I have so much to do this weekend for the holidays. I must find time to read my 12 step books and other healing material. Part of me just wants to shred the damn check and pretend it never came.

I want to thank you all for your comments. I feel the strength of you pouring off my computer screen. Some of you have so many years of experience with this. I often get upset with our boys because we tell them something so they don't have to learn the hard way. And here I am, at times still resisting following examples of those that have been there and done it long before me.

I hope you all have a super fantastic weekend!

9 comments:

Dad and Mom said...

He had a chance, throw the check in a bowl and leave it there until he comes for it and don't mention it again. I'm sure it has an expiration on it and if it expires, so be it.

If he phones and asks the just say some mail come for you i don't know.

Barbara aka Layla said...

Sorry to hear this Sweetie. Wish I had something really good to say but today my theme is "why does my life have to be so complicated because of my son's addiction". I know the answer is to let him go, etc. But it doesn't work like that at my house. I am the one who would have to leave. :(

Chic Mama said...

I don't know what to say other than I really feel for you, take care. xxxx

clean and crazy said...

you could always put "return to sender" or "not at this address" and put it back in the mail.
does he even know if you got the check? knowing he is high i would just put return to sender on it and it may only delay the inevitable but don't let him use your address again.

Madison said...

Somebody telling you that you can sing in the middle of the turmoil sounds nutty. But, one day at a time (sometimes one hour at a time), I hope you give yourself permission to be at peace. Unless your son has won the lottery, he'll be back for the check.

Fractalmom said...

one thing I can share is this.

Limbo (purgatory) SUCKS !!

Limbo is when you have the inability to make a decision regarding any particular situation.

For the parents of an active addict, we get stuck in Limbo land alot.

There are so many different situations in which we simply don't know WHAT to do, and it eats and eats and eats at us, leaving us stuck in Limbo land.

so, to get out of limbo land, you make a decision and stick to it.

it is only at that point that you can move forward from that situation. To not make any decision is to be stuck forever in limbo.

Once you get out, it then becomes rather easy to NOT get involved the next time a situation comes up.

At that juncture, simply refuse to participate at all.

for instance, if the mailman delivers any more mail to your house in your son's name simply write on it

not at this address, left no forward and put it BACK in the mailbox.

No limbo.

you can only allow yourself to be drawn into the drama so many times before you realize you do NOT have to participate at all.

so, if you want to shred it, shred it. It's a decision. you then move forward.

If you want to leave it in a bowl or bag and just hand it to him next time you see him, then make THAT decision and move forward.

Stay out of Limbo. It sucks!!

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Thank you all so much for your comments. Fractalmom, you nailed it, really! Love this comment and I am sure I will go back to it often. I am making a decision today and I am leaving Limbo Land because it sucks there. I have been considering shredding the check or sending it back in a new envelope. I think I am just going to shred it and move on. Thank you all for standing by me while I have been stuck in Limbo Land.

Debby of Oxycontin and Opiate Addiction: A Mother's Story said...

Fractal Mom said it so well. There isn't one thing she wrote, that I would not disagree on.
I've been in limbo land more than I can count.
It sucks. Keep blogging. We're all in this together.

Prayerfully,
Debby

Syd said...

I like what Fractal Mom wrote as well. I don't like to stay in limbo but make a decision. These days I make the decision with the will of my HP in mind.