Below is a list that Syd posted on his blog today. I loved it so and wanted to share it with anyone that might read my blog. Also, I will be posting an update later tonight I hope, more stuff with the little prince (Zach). Here is the list:
These are some guidelines for setting boundaries:
1. Give up any expectations about the outcome
2. Clearly define consequences that don't disrupt my serenity.
3. Set boundaries and communicate them clearly.
4. Enforce boundaries consistently.
5. Set boundaries without regard for the relationship
And these are some of the healthy boundaries that I now strive to use :
Keep my Mouth Shut-- I don't need to engage in arguments with another.
Live One Day at a Time-- I don't want to project about the future or rehash the past over and over.
Take Nobody's Inventory but My Own-- I don't need to browbeat another or try to convince them of my viewpoint. I just need to focus on my own behavior.
Focus on myself-- I pay attention to what I am thinking and feeling and reach out to others in the program when I am angry, lonely or tired.
I'm still far from being able to do all of these things consistently. But I have come to understand that having healthy boundaries is must better than not having any at all.
Thanks Syd for your wisdom!
7 comments:
May I just nicely mention that all these boundaries listed in your blog are boundaries on your behavior? Sometimes when you set boundaries, the people around you have to change - or they don't get to be around you. (#5).
The Little Prince :) Had to smile at that one. Looking forward to hearing the latest.
Syd has great insight, doesn't he? I'm so grateful we all have each other to learn from/be comforted by, etc.
Forgive the confusion, your blog is about Syd's boundaries. Well, all I can write is that addicts thrive when they find someone not willing to set firm, fearless boundaries. Faced with a strong boundary, they have a dilemma. I like providing addicts with that dilemma and I don't like allowing them to peacefully get high. But, that's just me. I don't set boundaries on my behavior. I'm not the one ruining lives.
Yep, that post by Syd fell into my "print this and read it daily" category!
:)
I'm still working on these myself. This is tough stuff for me because I easily fall back into familiar patterns. Glad that you found the information useful.
Madison, sorry for the confusion but Syd's post on his blog just resonated with me. I also see what you are saying here. I know that much of MY behavior has to change also though, as some of my behavior toward my son is just wrong. Don't get me wrong, his behaviors and addiction tear the family up, but some of my own issues and resulting behaviors do the same. Thank you for making me think even harder:)
Thank you all for just being here to help me stand back up when I am feeling low. I hope that one day soon I will be able to set those tough boundaries and just get better and better at it. Baby steps for now.
Oh a great post from you and as usual Syd does have lots of wisdom too.
I'm thinking of doing something similar for New year.
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