December 3, 2009

When it Rains....

it poors! My son contacted my husband today to advise him that he needs to come back home for a time as there are now issues with the friends he was living with. No surprise really but sure didn't want to have to try and figure out my boundaries and what to do right yet (do we ever want to?)

So now I am not feeling so strong again, the rollercoast of a day from being the mom of an addict and sister to dual diagnosis brother. I need to sit down with my husband and figure out what our boundaries are. I really dont' want either one of them living there, but so far have been unable to take the boundarie that far (at least on a permanent basis). I have put them both out on the street before, so it is not that, it is just so hard to do, especially a 2fer! I am taking my husband out tomorrow, it is our 16th anniversary of our first date, chinese food and we saw Mrs. Doubtfire in the theater, dating myself:) I am gonna try hard, please pray for us and for me to find the resolution that is best for me and my husband.

I so appreciate all your support. I haven't been posting lately much, now it seems like I can't stop!!

9 comments:

Barbara aka Layla said...

Posting helps and we do it when we need to (I need to every day it seems!)

I'm sorry you have to deal with this right now, its never a good time but some times are more difficult than others.

Have a great time out with your husband and focus on you and him for the night, okay? All the issues will be waiting for you when you get home. A little romance sounds like a good distraction to me!

Fractalmom said...

gotta be difficult. sorry you have to go through it. dang!!

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Thanks Barbara and Fractalmom. I am kinda lost, think I better take some time before I open my mouth to my son. How can a person go from feeling so strong to feeling so lost and sad and angry? Geez.

Lou said...

I have nothing to add, except that "for a time" is way too vague. If you are going to let him back, you should have a specific time period, and you should enforce it.

ChaiLatte said...

The roller coaster of emotions is very normal- I'm getting better, but still on the ride myself... Happy Anniversary of your first date! Hubby and I just celebrated our 24th Anniversary, but we've been together 28 years total! Have a fabulous time- enjoy each other. Hugs and prayers for the dust to settle...

Heather's Mom said...

"How can a person go from feeling so strong to feeling so lost and sad and angry? Geez."
EASILY!!! lol
But like Barbara said, enjoy your night out!!! Hey, Old Dogs is playing - the NEW Robin Williams movie :) Might be a good anniversary night out and will keep you from discussing your "2fer" while you're engrossed in the movie :)

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Lou, I was thinking that same thing tonight. I was going to make one of my conditions that he have a job within 3 weeks and if he didn't after that time period, we would sit down and evaluate the efforts he put forth to get one. I imagine putting a time frame out there in the beginning is best. Then if he is doing well, we can re-evaluate. He just so thinks as parents we should just be there...ugh.

Madison said...

I have seen people become very sick by the neediness of parents to feel kind. Setting boundaries is a beautiful example to your son and your brother of exactly how you'd hope they would behave with all their dysfunctional friends and loved ones. Besides that, it gives them the gift of owning the problems that have been created by their own bad choices. You may be surprised how much your son may learn by seeing you stand strong. Setting boundaries is a highly emotional, courageous act. Go for it and don't feel bad.

Sherry said...

I've done what Lou suggested with my son in the past and it worked. Once I gave him 2 weeks to get a job and he did.

I said a prayer for you and your husband to be guided to make the best decision for this situation and for peace and I prayed that Zach and your brother be given the strength and discipline to stay clean and fulfill their god-given potential.

Have a great weekend Renee!