April 4, 2010

Not reacting

My husband and I had a wonderful little trip to see a comedian, nice dinner and some music this Easter weekend. We planned on being home late this afternoon and warming up a ham with some side dishes. I had invited my son to come out for dinner. We always have a friend that stays at our house while we are away, even for just one night. My brother is still staying with us and has been doing very well...that is until today. We got home and I could tell my brother wasn't right. He was in bed and just seemed out of sorts. When my husband took our friend home he advised him that my brother had left today around noon and was brought home by the police a couple of hours later. It appears he was shouting at traffic. He is bi-polar and not sure what part of the mania played a part in this episode, but he seemed to have relapsed on something? My son showed up and did some laundry and sat down at the dinner table for our Easter supper. We said our prayers, he helped with the clean up and then we watched a little TV. I am just going to be and advised my son that he would need to be up and ready to leave tomorrow with my husband when he goes to work. He said "I don't know where I will go all day". I reminded him of our conversation yesterday and that he would need to see his drug counselor and bring me something in writing stating he was in line for rehab before he could stay here. I reminded him of the other boundaries we discussed. He seemed upset that I stuck to my guns on this one. I didn't over react to anything that happened today. I sat with my feelings, which are making me a little sick to my stomach as of late. It is hard, no doubt about it this detaching with love. You never know if you are getting it right, even if you do what you think is the best thing for yourself, sometimes you just aren't sure what that is. I am hitting a meeting tomorrow and will keep reading my daily meditations.

I changed my username from Mom of Opiate Addicted Son to Mom trying to Detach with Love, so it is still me if you see that name.

Overall, we had a lovely weekend and our dinner was nice. I hope you all had a fantastic Easter and thank you as always for your support, it helps me so much.



Sherry said...

Renee -

I'm happy you had a nice time with your husband and that you are sticking with your boundaries! When we change ourselves, people around us change.

Sorry to hear about your brother...I will add him to my prayer list. Hope your week is filled with peace and love!

Bristolvol said...

Renee, you are making big strides towards protecting yourself. The way you are sticking to your guns shows your son that you are serious and he needs to get on his own two feet. Nobody said it is easy, but the rewards are worth it. I'll pray that you can continue on the path you are on.

Syd said...

Good for you Renee. I'm glad that you are sticking to your boundaries. Boundaries don't have to become walls but can flex as we see fit.

LisaC said...

Renee, boundaries are for you and your husband, not really for the addict. And I'm so proud of you sticking with your decision, as much as it may hurt. I'm sorry to hear about your brother...your strength and your compassion for everyone in your life is obvious in how you live your life. Bravo to you!

I will continue to pray for you and your family, your brother and your son.

Anonymous said...

Good job with the boundaries. Part of setting boundaries is being prepared for other people not to necessarily like them. Don't worry about it. In many respects, that's the whole point. Thanks for the reminder!

Barbara said...

Glad to hear you had a nice weekend (even with the setback with your bro). I think when we stick to our guns someone is bound to get upset so congrats for a job well done! Its very hard to know what's "best". Ugh. I hope he comes home with proof that he's on a waiting list.

What comedian did you go see? You know what they say - laughter is the best medicine. There's some truth to that!

Her Big Sad said...

You're doing so well! It's hard to stick to those boundaries, but each time it becomes more reflexive... Good for you!

I'm still praying, for your son, your brother, your husband and you! I'm so glad that in the midst of it, you had a pleasant meal and got to do something fun with your husband! Yay!

Wishing you a great day!