April 16, 2010

The unknown and the shifting environment

Yesterday was a really hard day. I went with my husband to a nearby town to receive the results from my blood work that I was a bit concerned about throughout the past couple of weeks. I kept myself pretty calm up until yesterday. Being someone with a long standing anxiety disorder, which has been under control for many years, I do still tend to worry much more than I should.

I walked out of the doctor's office thinking I knew what he had said but as is often the case, had many questions arise as the night wore on. Basically my "M Spike" was high which means I have a high protein level in my blood. He showed me some other stuff that was on the tests that were negative and said he was going to call his blood specialist colleague to make sure no further tests were needed. He kind of beated around the bush and I am sure he didn't want to alarm me. He never even said "blood cancer", but I knew from a time my mom was checked. He didn't seem like he was too concerned.

On the way to the doctor my husband had informed me that something small was missing out of his truck and he had a blow out with both my son and brother. When we got home I had a talk with them and my husband seperately. I went for a walk with my brother and son and came back as we all sat down to dinner with my step-son who just moved back to town. Tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. My husband is angry, I don't blame him. My son and brother are upset, each saying they don't know what he is talking about and that neither had the opportunity to take the item missing and adament that they hadn't. At this point, I am just fed up and scared. I started to cry, my husband started to cry, we are scared.

Tension is still high today in the house. I am at work, called my counselor and the doctor to try and get more info. He is out of the office today of course, but his nurse tried to assure me that if he thought it was anything real terrible he would have dealt with it yesterday.

We have a busy weekend as it is time for the annual Rodeo in our town (one of the largest 3 day rodeos). We have box seats and have gone for years promoting my husband's business. Neither of us wants to even deal with it but my step-son hasn't been able to go in three years and the box is paid for. Might be a nice diversion? UGH!

I am praying and trying to stay present. My son is still on track for Rehab, but no bed until 5/4/10. He is meeting all the boundaries (except this thing missing that he swears he knows nothing about and may very well not). Please place us on your prayer list, although I know that many of you pray for us anyways, I could use just a little extra I think right now.

I have been reading, just not feeling like blogging for obvious reasons. Miss and care for you all.


Kathy M. said...

I will pray for all of you. Hugs.

Barbara said...


I think its natural to worry when something like that shows up on our blood tests, but the nurse's words are reaassuring. I think the dr. would have let you know if he had a serious concern. I wish they (doctors) would learn to be a bit more detailed with patients and realize that we need to know when to worry and when NOT to. Try not to, ok?

I'm praying for the situation at home. I hope the rodeo can be a good distraction and a lot of fun. I would not feel like going either, but its one of those things where once you are there, you are usually glad you went! I hope that's the case.

Love to you.

Sherry said...

Renee -

Try to remember that in this situation there is nothing you can control or change concerning the medical issue. Like Barbara said, the Dr. would have told you if he thought it was more serious. Why miss one more minute of your life worrying about something that almost certainly isn't anything. I do understand the worry though - just trying to help!

I will pray for all of you also!

Annette said...

You are in my prayers. ((HUG))

Chic Mama said...

I'm sorry you are going through all of this. If you are still worrried about the doctor I would go back just to get more details and for reassurance otherwise you're not going to stop worrying about it.
If you fancy it I have an award for you at mine, it's pretty if nothing else.Take care. x

Kim A. said...

I had to learn the hard way that when adults in my home are having issues, that is not an invitation for me to step in. Detaching is an ongoing lesson for me but my serenity is now my first priority and I am less likely to venture into a situation that doesn't have my name on it. ::hugs::

Anonymous said...

I will pray for you. It's understandable to be worried with all you have going on.

Syd said...

I hope that the rodeo will be a good distraction. I am sorry that you had a rough time. Take care.

Bristolvol said...

Hope you are feeling better by now... If you need cheering up, check out this web site: comedycures.com. It has some really good funny clips on it that will distact you from your worries, at least temporarily. Sending you hugs and prayers. Helga

Peggy said...

It's a lot to carry around - worry and concern about your own health issues as well as dealing with the tension at home surrounding your son's addiction and waiting for treatment. When your son goes in to rehab, I hope you can breathe a bit of a sigh of relief and focus on yourself - asking the questions of your physician that you want/need to, maybe doing some research and reading about your condition? Well, maybe that would just add more anxiety, don't know. I always arm myself with lots of information and knowledge which somehow makes me feel better. You've probably already been to the rodeo by now - hope it was a good distraction. Hang in there - thinking of you. Peggy