April 12, 2010

Feeling Uncomfortable with My New Way of Behavior

So as an update, my son is still at our house. He went to his probation appointment this morning and checked in with his drug and alcohol counselor. The counselor advised him that he has not received the funding and it could be another week..ugh! Things have been going pretty well with him at the house. He has been taking small amounts of suboxine, which I have dispensed to him. I would rather do that than deal with him detoxing in my home, he can do that in rehab with medical professionals. He has been following the rules/boundaries to date.

As for me, I find that when I step back, bite my tongue, realize when I am heading into saying or doing something that goes against my own recovery, I feel uncomfortable, almost anxious. I belive it is because I am so used to behaving in a codependent way, that when I catch myself and don't, it leaves me feeling somewhat uneasy, anxious and kind of lost and alone. I know this is probably normal and will pass as I progress. I am going to a meeting tonight, found that I look forward to my weekly Monday night meeting, no matter how small it is (sometimes 2-3 people).

I hope you all have a fantastic week. I pray my son is able to get into rehab sooner rather than later, that the funding is provided this week and he will be ready to go. I pray for all your loved ones who are struggling also, that they may seek out recovery and obtain restored health. Peace to us all.


Kim A. said...

Prayers said for you and your son. Serenity was an unknown concept to me and it took me awhile to be comfortable with it. Now, it is mine to keep or give away. I'm heading to my home group tonite as well. A good place to be.


Garnet said...

I know what you mean. I remember feeling off kilter when I first started trying new ways of responding. The payoff was pretty quick, though.

Sherry said...

It was nice to have an update - miss you when you're gone! Peace and love to you!

Barbara said...

Thanks for the update, was wondering how things were going. I hope that the funds come in sooner than later too. Its hard to feel lost and alone, I hope that feeling leaves you soon. You are not alone. Hugs, sweetheart.

Kathy M. said...

It's hard to break old habits, and it takes some time for the new ones to feel right. But in time, they do. At least they did for me.

Glad to hear things are going well with your son so far. I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

I'm heading off to what I expect will be a small meeting tonight, myself. Two to three women, in prison.

Take care. Hugs.

Chic Mama said...

I really hope you don't have to wait too long. You are walking & living on eggshells, no wonder you feel the way you do.My thoughts are with you and your family.
Take care. xx

Ginny said...

Thinking of you. Hang in there and continue what you need to do for YOU. It will get better. All my love.

Heather's Mom said...

I know what you mean, I am feeling the same... sometimes on the phone there is silence b/c I am stumped and feel uncomfortable. But I have heard this is usual. (I hoping so!!!)
God bless.

Syd said...

It takes a while to be comfortable with new coping skills. I think that changing a lifetime of reacting to drama doesn't happen over night. Hang in there.