April 7, 2010

Battlefield, Retreat, Surrender

It seems I always used to love to go into the battlefield. Anytime there were arguments, problems, upsets, I ran onto the battlefield to the rescue. Now it seems I retreat mostly, but sometimes show up for the battle, getting up in the fight, armed and ready, even if it is not the best thing for me or the people I am fighting for/against. What a confusing place this puts others around me in. They never know if I am in the fight or if I have retreated. What I really want to do is surrender, pick a side and stay on it. I don't want to be on the battlefield anymore, I want to throw up the white flag and surrender it all. I am working on it and really need to get on the side I want to be on, peace and serenity.

6 comments:

LisaC said...

Acknowledging where you want and need to be is the first step to getting there. And if it takes 10 steps forward and a step or two back during the journey, that is okay too. Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts and my prayers.

Kathy M. said...

I love this post. It reminds me of a post of Madison's some time ago that featured a photo of a big, white flag she said she had planted in her lawn. I determined to get one. Maybe one day I will! Hugs.

Syd said...

I understand that totally. That is what I have done: surrender. I no longer choose to fight battles that I have not a chance of winning. I leave the field of battle. It isn't worth the cost.

Heather's Mom said...

Amen!
I am so ready to leave drama behind me.
You're doing well, keep it up.

A Friend of Bill said...

I understand how you feel. That's why I have cut off communication with my family, except for my brother. And even that is limited. I had to make a choice finally- my own serenity or the ongoing destructive drama of my family. Trick is not to make that break in anger. I'm slowly learning to think of them with compassion and pity- they are spiritually sick- and the silence I keep is neccesary for my own happiness and my own recovery. I hope you can find the same peace in your situation.

Barbara said...

Ditto what Lisa said, I can't think of anything to add to her words. Thinking about you tonight.