November 19, 2009

So much for the silence!

I am at work so I will try to keep this post short, but I have to get this off my chest.  My son met my husband at work this morning and he took him out to our house.  He is trying to get into the dentist along with my brother as they both have a rotten tooth.  Anyways, my husband had to go back into town for some stuff and when he returned home my son was sleeping (passed out).  My son had asked my brother to wake him as he had a college class at 9:30 am, brother tried to no avail.  I spoke with my husband and he informed me of all of this.  I told him to wake my son and tell him he needs to go into town, to school late or somewhere else.  My husband tried to wake him but as usual when he is high he is passed out, rude when awoken and just a complete ass.  So I spoke with my husband again a few minutes ago, the dentist got my brother in and will see my son tomorrow (my husband has a friend in the low-income dentist office who helped out with this).  I know probably enabling on the dentist thing but we believe both of them have ab absessed tooth.  I told my husband to wake my son again, tell him he has 1/2 hour to get ready and take him to town...period.  He has been staying with friends for the past 3 weeks and not living in our home.  He is slowly failing at college and still has no job or real efforts to find one (couple of days he put in good job hunts, out of three weeks).  I am fed up.  I am too angry to even deal with him right now.  I will say as little as possible and try to not sound too much like a bitch to him when I do talk to him.  But I can't live with him anymore. He always figures it out when he feels like it, so he will just have to figure it out.  I hate this so much, this bitter angry feeling.  At first you are just heartbroken (still am), but then that bitterness and anger set in and it is so hard for me to move through that part.  The real issue is he is not seeking any kind of treatment and the Drug classes he does attend are only because of probation.  This has been going on so long now, and I know it could go on for years or he could die from his opiate addiction.  I don't bother to ask why anymore and I am trying hard to give it to God.  My counselor is still off until January and I haven't been to a meeting in a while.  There isn't one in my area until Monday.  I hope I can keep myself in check that long.  UGH!!!


Choleesa said...

I am really sorry about your situation. Its hard to "close the door" on your son, but its the best thing to do for the both of you.
Hopefully, he will figure it out before its too late.

Sherry said...

I am so sorry to hear about Zach. I wonder if your anger is actually fear. I just went back and read your Act I and II again. You have been through a lot. I have thoughts that I could give as advice, but I think prayer is the best thing I could provide right now!

Lord: I pray that you help Renee to have peace in her life and to please heal Zach! Amen

Heather's Mom said...

I feel your frustration. I am praying for peace & strength for you and healing for your son.
God bless!

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Thanks Sherry for bringing up the fear issue, I believe you are right. I also think some of it is just being fed up with the drama of it all.

Cholessa, thank you for your thoughts.

H-Mom, thank you so much for taking the time to comfort me as I know things have been rough for you lately. The prayers are much appreciated...and reciprocated.

clayton said...

i have a miracle straight from God for you,,,,,,Its got me my son back, his freedom, family peace all because of a gentleman in NC who is an rinterventionist and clinical director over an awesome place. MY son went clear across country after we flew the interventionist here ad back my youngest went to NC and he has graduated after being there, ney helped us get the probation transferred, once he got there, they helped him land a job, he got medical for free as well, and the staff live on the house on site with the men. Its really upper cuff ( well kept up_) as suprisingly we paid 28 thousand at another place that doesnt offer half what this does and its under 3000 and then my son paid his own way at 175 weekly for his counseling, ad recovery process...This made him appreciate it oh so very much more than us or the govt. paying- after we paid all fees etc. and 1st mo. recovery costs and his books. Our son was left to fend for himself....
he is 1 yr sober, happy, and on the way to trying to get back in school. He dropped out, but this place and the clin dir. are so exact to what my son needed. DONT WORRY about probation...this place is about that kindsa stuff, it was done for our son in three days! he needs a break as you do to, Start to detach it will pay off. If he goes away for a short time, you can heal more and he will as well.
It sounds like maybe that clinc. director could be the intervention team maybe that it may take to get your son awakened. here is the link to their photo gallery I found and there website is under construction but check this out. I will pray for u for maybe this is a much needed resource for u, for it was the best decision me and my husband have made, just wish it wouldve been sooner. Nothing happens in Gods world by mistake!!!
God Speed!

Chic Mama said...

I'm just is never ending.
I'm so worried too about being eaten up by bitterness and anger but everything I try and do with my husband becomes a battle. I'm trying to pass it all back to him but it's hard and even writing this I can feel my blood boiling. I just wish it would end, /I feel I can't live like this forever.

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Thank you Clayton for the info although I didn't get the link, so if you read this, send me the link so I can check it out. I am glad things worked out so positive for your son and your family!

Chic Mama, I feel the same way only with my son. I can't live this way forever, but over time it has gotten better as I have learned some in the process about taking care of me. I have a long way to go and some days I step off my boundary line, but try to step right back on. Thinking of you.

Annette said...

I keep reminding myself lately of what parents of addicts who are in recovery have told me...It was nothing that they did that led their child to recovery.

It is so hard. ((HUG))

Thanks for the award...I will pass it on a little later. I appreciate you thinking of me though! :o)

Syd said...

I too am sorry for all that is going on. I had to come to terms with my own powerlessness over others and that they have their own Higher Power and I'm not it.