Yesterday was my son's 24th birthday. I took him shopping last Wednesday for clothing and we had a fabulous time together. He has been staying with some friends of his that are being supportive with limits. We took him to dinner last night and just had such a good time, he was so present, no nodding off or being irritable, just laughing, eating and enjoying ourselves. All involved commented how wonderful a time they had and how good it was to see him in this light. I savored the moment and will cherish the memory.
O.K., now for the otherside of the coin...I am in deep co-dependent illness mode and fighting hard to battle it off. My mind is racing about a bit and I am sad. It is my brother this time...I know, his life, not my business. Here is the latest:
My husband and I have allowed my dual diagnosed brother to live with us since 10/15/09. From that date up to this past Monday, he has been taking his meds, no drugs, gone to the dentist, psychiatrist, checked in with his parole officer on a regular basis, helped us with anything we ask, etc. Now mind you, this is a person who has never been able to make it off of parole due to doing meth to medicate his bi-polar situation. Now I know he is also addicted, but his psychiatrist explained to me they often consider a form of self-medicating as the meth mellows those with bi-ploar mania believe it or not.
Anyways, he is working on getting his social security back and we have allowed him to stay with us and are working with him to get his money and a payee situated. This past Monday he seemed odd. He has been taking massive amounts of antibotics for a tooth and boil infection. So we thought maybe he was just feeling really ill. But last night when I went home from work to get ready for my son's dinner, he was just being VERY ODD! So I kind of got pissy (shouldn't have done that but oh well). He went outside and I just figured maybe he hadn't been taking his bi-polar meds? We went to leave and he was gone. We went to dinner, had a great time, came home and I did my nightly routine. I finally went to be but have to admit I was in the worry mode. He stopped by my husband's work today and he brought him home, he is still not right. I am stepping back for right now, don't want to REACT, just give myself a bit of time and see what he does. I am planning on telling him that I need to see him take his meds each night for him to stay with us, not sure if that is the right thing to do? He was living under the bridge in our town and I would bring him food, it just killed me to do that. Now I am rambling, see what I mean about those racing thoughts! At least my relationship with my son is better right now. We are going to the gym together after work to get in some exercise and I have a massage tonight too, so I am taking care of myself, just need to take care of my mind!
4 comments:
Happy Birthday to your son!!! It sounds like a wonderful celebration. I'm glad you wrote about your brother and your concerns, it does feel good to get it out!
In my opinion (and I admit it could be way off base) I think I would ask him to take the meds in front of me. Meds are critical, they make all the difference and your family's well being is at stake.
I think that it's great about your son and his birthday. With regard to your brother and his mental illness, I can only tell you that I had to make sure that my mother was taking her meds and eating well. She suffered from depression for the last 25 years of her life. I didn't think that I was enabling her because she had a mental illness. Since your brother is living with you, having some kind of guideline about meds seems fine to me and necessary.
Thanks both Syd and Barbara. I did try to discuss it with him last night (for all the good that did), but he did take the meds. I told him he would need to take them in front of me from now on, we will see. Thanks Syd for sharing, makes me feel not so alone in this.
I agree with with Barbara and Syd about the meds! There seems to be such a fine line between co- dependency and compassion / common sense. I'm happy your son is doing better and that you got a massage!!
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