November 8, 2009
(Post), I have not heard from him. I know he is around and alive but still, the silence has been a bit rough. I also feel relief and some peace with the silence, so a bit of both, sadness and fear and then the peace. I kind of feel bad about how our last conversation went, especially the delivery of my communication with him full of anger. I feel guilt for the relief of not having to deal with any of the drama, but then I remember that I have a life too. I never thought I would be at this place with my son, where I feel relief to not hear from him, enjoying the silence...never in a million years would I have thought I could feel this way. It is a shame that to help ourselves we come to feel this way at times. Kind of rambling tonight because I am teetering with my feelings back and forth. I pray my son is safe and that the Lord will provide a divine intervention for him, show him the way to restore his health. To all the other parents out there who go to bed at night not having heard from their addicted child, wondering, afraid, crying, feeling some guilt for feeling a bit of peace, praying and letting go and giving to God...I am there with you.