June 11, 2010

Family Dinner/Suboxone and the Needle

Today was my husband's birthday.  I made him a carrot cake with creme cheese frosting from scratch (turned out yummy).  We all ended up going to an old favorite steak house of the family.  Since my son lives in the town where this restaurant is located he agreed to get there early and get us a table, which worked out nice.  Everyone got along at the dinner and much laughter was had by all.  Our boys seemed to find some peace and that made our evening very special.

My son shared a few things with me at dinner that were pretty private. He went today to get tested for AIDS, Hep. C, etc.  He seemed a bit concerned.  I did ask him "well you never shot up did you:?"  He has always told me he never had, nor would.  Tonight he shared he had, said only a few times, but that probably means one too many times for my little ol heart to be comfortable with.  I didn't respond much and he also indicated he is currently on suboxone.  He has been attending many meetings and does have a sponsor and is working on step one.  He is living in a sober living house.  So the needle and suboxone things took me off guard.  He stated that the doctor who prescribes the suboxone is all for family support and will meet with any interested family at any time to explain the drug and answer any fears.  I know quite a bit about suboxone but told my son I thought that would be a great idea and lets set that up.  He was calm, polite, funny and seemed happier and healthier than he has in quite some time. To be truthful with all of you, even though I let him speak, offered the kind "hmm", or that's good type of response, I am scared about the needles and the suboxone, but I know there is nothing I can do but continue to give him over to HIS higher power and let go, live in the present and enjoy the many blessings of today.


Syd said...

Yes, detaching with love is the thing but can be very hard. Yet, trying to save him won't work either.

Erin said...

I found out about a month ago that my beloved son who is addicted to opiates also was shooting up heroine that was a horror for me, it took me a while to accept it. He also said he only did a couple of times but now that he has been in recovery he told me he did it at least 25 times.... sigh.... He had been on suboxone for a month and he is doing very well, it really is helping him, he has been testing negative for opiates every week. I really believe that God only gives us what we can handle, I thought that he might have tried heroin because I found out a friend of his was but at that moment I just wasn't ready to face that horror. A few weeks into his recovery I asked what his drug test results were before he started the suboxone and they told me he tested positive for heroin. This is not an easy journey but I am encouraged he is doing so much better. I keep giving him over to God and praying that he put the right people in his path to lead him towards righteousness and light. I will be praying for you and your son. Take care of yourself, little by little, baby steps, I'm starting to.

BMelonsLemonade said...

Suboxone is a start, though. For an addict, sometimes the idea of being completely sober and substance free is the scariest thought of all. There are much worse things out there than suboxone. The needle, I am sure, is scary for a mother...but, at least he was being honest with you about it.

Anonymous said...

Finding out my daughter was using needles and seeing the track marks on her arms almost did me in. I can totally understand how you feel.
I'm glad that you had a good dinner. Those "little" things count for so much.

Kathy M. said...

I'm glad the birthday dinner went well. It's interesting, when I stopped passing judgment, offering advice, etc., my daughter began to open up. Our relationship became more honest, and I learned to love her unconditionally.

What she chose to share was sometimes hard on me, but I wanted my relationship to continue to grow, so I kept my opinions to myself. I worked on my own fears by working my program with my sponsor.

I think you did well.

I also wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts on a memorable post. I really appreciate it.

Love and hugs.

Heather's Mom said...

Nice new look to the blog!
I can see where you'd be worried - Erin in the above comment - said it from experience and said it right. It sounds like he is doing well today. I think suboxone is good from what I learned when reviewing for Heather... as long as it is only used for a specific period of time. I will pray the tests come back negative, but I know how big the worry can loom waiting for those kinds of test results. I'd try not to think about it b/c you'd be using your time if there's nothing to worry about - and if there is, there will be plenty of time to worry later. Easier said than done I know.
But I am glad you all had a nice dinner and sounds like you had good -open- conversations with Z.
I too am praying for you both.
God bless.

Addiction--Mom trying to Detach with Love said...

Thanks everyone for the comments, it has helped as usual. Erin, thank you for sharing your experience, it helps seeing that those who have gone through it are holding up well. I only wish none of us had to go through it to begin with, but since we do, I couldn't ask for a better set of people to support me in this journey.

CC (Mumsicles) said...

For the first time I saw an unusual looking scar on my son's arm. I naively asked "what's that?" and my son just stared at me with a smirk on his face, as if to say "you don't really need me to tell you , Mom, do you?"

OK, got it. THen I wanted to cry.

He was quick to say that when he gets out of rehab he wants a new tattoo that will cover it. ("You mean it's a PERMANENT scar??" I shouted inside my head).

I still find myself in disbelief at times. I don't know how much more truth I want to know.

Annette said...

Hi renee. I am so late coming in on this... I am just getting caught up on my blog reading...but just wanted you to know that I hear you. Those are some hard issues, but your attitude is so right on. This is *his* journey to travel. You are being brave momma...good for you. Keep your faith because our kid's HP loves them more than we can know and He does have them in the palm of His hands. Their relationship if between the two of them. You take good care of YOU.

Peggy said...

Renee - - - it sounds as if the family birthday dinner was good - for everyone. I know how dread and worry can consume you. Even though Hayley is thriving in her treatment program, she was tested a couple of weeks ago for Hep C, HIV, etc. Just having her blood drawn was an emotional trigger for her, let alone the fear and anxiety of waiting for the results. I know there's nothing I can do about this outcome. Still - I'm selfishly praying that she will test negative. She has so much on her plate as is. Thinking of you and your son. Peggy