So as you may know if you read here, it has been a pretty tough week for me and my son. I feel sad and empty with a mixture of relief and peace. Boy, how conflicted is that! My son and I both agree that it is not healthy for us to live together under one roof. He knows I love him and how afraid I am for him. I have been open and honest with him about my reasons he can not stay with us anymore. I am accepting (slowly) that I have hit my own bottom in this terrible drug addicted journey. I am trying to soothe myself and let go. I know it will take time, and that something could be thrown in the mix to change the dynamics between he and I, but for today I feel I am doing what is right for me.
I was very shaken the other day when Corey Haim passed. Even though it is not known what his cause of death is, somehow I feel it was related to his drug use, whether it be a current OD type situation or just the wear and tear over the years that drugs take on a person's body. It was strange for me as I was thinking of him a few days before his death? I don't normally sit around and think of actors or anything strange like that, it is why it made this all the more odd for me. I was just wondering how he was doing, knowing of his addiction and watching him on TV a few years ago, I just always felt he was so lost, more so than most addicts even, not sure why I felt that way? It just pounded in the fact that an addicts life can be taken so short. It made me think about my own son and all my fears associated with him being taken too young from drug abuse.
I was not online for a day and came back to much sad news with Mom and Dad's son relapsing and Ant going back to jail. It just broke my heart and I found myself wanting to reach through my computer and try to "fix" it. Yep, that was me, Ms. Fix It, or at least I thought before my son's addiction reared its ugly head many years ago. I wish we all didn't have to go through this and that our kids would get well. On that note, there was a bit of happy news with Lisa C's son Bryon graduating rehab and going back to be an intern there. Also over at Annette's place with H doing really great and Sherry's son being clean and sober. It gives us all hope even in the midst of relapses and active use that our kids can get up, brush themselves off and get back on a better path. It is possible and there is hope.
I have gained so much strength from those of you that commented on my posts this week (every week actually). I never feel like I can thank you all enough. Praying for us all...Renee