First and foremost, thank you all so much for your kind words of wisdom and support over my last post. Clean & Crazy, I just cried when I opened your comment and read it, so supportive and loving. HBS, I feel your pain and conflict with calling or not calling, etc. The way I see it, every time my son walks out the door his life is in danger, and if we are to take action when someone might possibly die, let alone our own child, how do we not? It is such a fine line to know if we are intervening on someone who is about to harm themselves, when that is what addiction is all about...so confusing.
I did it tonight. My son called me tonight right as I opened Clean & Crazy's comment and I was crying. He told me he is staying with a friend, I know the friend and she is an addict also. He states they are going to try and get clean together? I bite my tongue through my tears. We talk about how hard it has been for us to live in the same house together. I tell him how afraid I am for his future, his life, how sad I am watching him and how I have hit my bottom with that. He tells me how he is 24 and he needs to figure things out, how shitty he feels about himself, how he has absolutely nothing. I tell him he has life, that God has saved him too many times to count, he is not in prison, not in jail and to focus on that. He told me to lighten up on my husband (his step-dad) because he does a lot and he is a good man who is getting tired of it all. He sounded a little high, I tried to think otherwise. I am devastated, can't stop crying, my stomach is in knots, I am in deep mourning. I know this will pass, he is still breathing and maybe, just maybe, I will learn to have peace and he will get well...I will continue to pray for that along with all of you and your wounded children. Madison, she is an awesome counselor, full of love and wisdom with a tiny dash of excentrism thrown in. I am lucky to have her in my life for guidance and all of you. Barbara, he has not been checked for mental illness but I am almost positive he has ADHD and depression, possibly Cyclothymia, but again, he has to be ready on his terms. I called drug and alcohol today to find out if there is currently funding for someone on Prop. 36 in our county for in-patient rehab and in two weeks there will be. I advised my son of this so he would be aware. He stated he did not want rehab right now and said he was going to get his MediCal and try and get on Suboxone and get a little job. I again bit my tongue. Oh, and Syd, it all just didn't have my name on it. For today, I know I did the right thing for myself and hopefully for my son, but Lord does it hurt. Thanks for helping me get through you guys. Renee