September 14, 2009

Oh Crappy Day!!


Have you ever had one of those days you just don't even want to be in your own skin? Today is one of those days for me. I am so overstressed, overweight, overtired and just plain fed up! I am snapping at all my family and just want to run away and be completely alone for a few days, maybe a few weeks. I would do just that but my work situation won't allow it, so instead I will vent a bit.

I am struggling with my son and brother today. I have no patience for them or their problems. My brother is staying with us temporarily as he has been very ill with pneumonia. We went and established a doctor for him today and they are going to be running breathing tests, blood work, etc. We were able to get a prescription for his bipolar meds and so far he seems to want to take them, time will tell. The doctor is also setting him up with an appointment with a psychiatrist but somehow I doubt he will go. He freaks out when it comes to any kinds of appointments, almost didn't make it to the doctor today.

My son is procrastinating with school, I am sure he is using although I have come to believe he is not actually selling drugs at this point, no money to pay his cell phone bill. Of course he is probably selling just enough to pay for what he does use when he does. I am so tired of giving a shit. I really do love him so very much, but boy, sometimes it is just so hard to like him at all. I don't have a lot of expectations at this point and that is a big step for me, used to have so many for everyone around me. I am no longer afraid to say how I feel when I am feeling it, just a bit softer and I TRY to do it with love, emphasis on TRY. I have been setting up boundaries and sticking with them (baby steps). I have just allowed it all to surround me too much and not put enough into self care. Just a shitty day, that is all there is too it. Sorry for the bad attitude, just needed to vent it out a bit. I am sure tomorrow will be very sunny:)

9 comments:

Dad and Mom said...

It's OK to love them but not like them.

Just think, if he wasn't your son is he the type of person you would want to be around?

Love and like are two different emotions.

Gin said...

I'm with Mom & Dad on this one. And I thought the same thing when I read that. I too love my husband very much, but there are days that I struggle to like him at all. And guess what? That's okay.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Hey! Good for you for getting it out! I can't imagine anyone not being able to relate to a shitty day!! I have wanted our of my skin many times....a vacation from my own life where I can go somewhere and just be someone else for a few days.

It will get better, always does, but I think a good vent is healthy and am glad you expressed yourself!

Cheri said...

I agree. We can love someone and not like them, or be very angry with them. Glad you felt free to vent. You're in our prayers,

Cheri and Wayne (Glass House Ministries)

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Most days my son is not someone I would be friends with nor is my brother. But it is the times that I would that keep me in their lives. Thank you all for the support and perspective, feeling stronger and better today.

Syd said...

The lowering of expectations sounds good. Some days are just low mood days. Those too shall pass.

JennyMac said...

You can love and not like at times. It has gone on for centuries in every kind of relationship....

Debby of Oxycontin and Opiate Addiction: A Mother's Story said...

I just fixed my oversight, by not having you on my blogroll. I missed this post, and I so understand your frustration. It's like you and I are posting about the same kid.
We, as moms, so desperately want it to be true that our kids aren't using. Procrastination and drug use seem to be big clues. Trust your instincts. That's why my son no longer lives with me. It hurts, but it's what I had to do. It's okay to be angry. Addiction has a way of bringing our anger to the surface. We feel so helpless.
Venting helps. You have many eyes who read this and can relate.

Gledwood said...

If he is involved in supply, maybe he's just sorting out others when they ask him to get something. This way he would probably get paid just in drugs ...