Have you ever had one of those days you just don't even want to be in your own skin? Today is one of those days for me. I am so overstressed, overweight, overtired and just plain fed up! I am snapping at all my family and just want to run away and be completely alone for a few days, maybe a few weeks. I would do just that but my work situation won't allow it, so instead I will vent a bit.
I am struggling with my son and brother today. I have no patience for them or their problems. My brother is staying with us temporarily as he has been very ill with pneumonia. We went and established a doctor for him today and they are going to be running breathing tests, blood work, etc. We were able to get a prescription for his bipolar meds and so far he seems to want to take them, time will tell. The doctor is also setting him up with an appointment with a psychiatrist but somehow I doubt he will go. He freaks out when it comes to any kinds of appointments, almost didn't make it to the doctor today.
My son is procrastinating with school, I am sure he is using although I have come to believe he is not actually selling drugs at this point, no money to pay his cell phone bill. Of course he is probably selling just enough to pay for what he does use when he does. I am so tired of giving a shit. I really do love him so very much, but boy, sometimes it is just so hard to like him at all. I don't have a lot of expectations at this point and that is a big step for me, used to have so many for everyone around me. I am no longer afraid to say how I feel when I am feeling it, just a bit softer and I TRY to do it with love, emphasis on TRY. I have been setting up boundaries and sticking with them (baby steps). I have just allowed it all to surround me too much and not put enough into self care. Just a shitty day, that is all there is too it. Sorry for the bad attitude, just needed to vent it out a bit. I am sure tomorrow will be very sunny:)