September 27, 2009
To make a long story short my husband took my brother and a couple of friends to our house on the coast to paint the exterier. There was beer there, my husband doesn't drink but his friends do. I received a call Friday night from a cop on the coast who said he had my brother for drunk in public but wanted someone to come and pick him up. I called my husband and he went and got him. I guess he left sometime during the day while my husband was in town and proceeded to get pretty drunk. The next day he apologized and did some work in the yard but got drunk again. So basically he failed at my husband's expectations and broke some boundaries. My husband drove all the way home last night (supposed to come home Sunday) and didn't get here with my brother until about 12:00 a.m. We all went to bed and when I woke up this morning my brother had left because my husband was ignoring him. My brother called and my husband told him he wasn't welcome here anymore and that he wouldn't do another thing for him. My husband has been spewing anger all over the place today, taking it out on me and I am sick still, after a week. My son is home, I took it out on him, he is "sleeping" in the bedroom, more likely hight but don't have the energy. I had to pack my brother's backpack and my husband dropped it off in town. The bitterness building in this house is so thick. I don't want to be that bitter, hard hearted person. I want to have boundaries but also still be open to love and hurt. My husband has lost it and is not considering anything other than his anger. I am now angry. I feel like I need time off from work, don't even feel like getting up in the mornings. My antidepressent isn't working anymore appearantly. Because my mom and sis both died recently, I feel orphaned, and my bi-polar addict brother and son are all I have left in my side of the family. My husband is an only child so sometimes he doesn't understand the ties of siblings. I feel like screaming and running away, far away for a long time, just give up and be irresponsible. I feel so sad for my brother and anger at my son. I feel bitter and my husband is beyond that. Wow, the difference a day makes. It has all been building up for so long, I feel really just like giving up on it all. Sorry for the rambling, I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired, but don't feel like fighting for my health at this point.