September 27, 2009

Drama 101

To make a long story short my husband took my brother and a couple of friends to our house on the coast to paint the exterier. There was beer there, my husband doesn't drink but his friends do. I received a call Friday night from a cop on the coast who said he had my brother for drunk in public but wanted someone to come and pick him up. I called my husband and he went and got him. I guess he left sometime during the day while my husband was in town and proceeded to get pretty drunk. The next day he apologized and did some work in the yard but got drunk again. So basically he failed at my husband's expectations and broke some boundaries. My husband drove all the way home last night (supposed to come home Sunday) and didn't get here with my brother until about 12:00 a.m. We all went to bed and when I woke up this morning my brother had left because my husband was ignoring him. My brother called and my husband told him he wasn't welcome here anymore and that he wouldn't do another thing for him. My husband has been spewing anger all over the place today, taking it out on me and I am sick still, after a week. My son is home, I took it out on him, he is "sleeping" in the bedroom, more likely hight but don't have the energy. I had to pack my brother's backpack and my husband dropped it off in town. The bitterness building in this house is so thick. I don't want to be that bitter, hard hearted person. I want to have boundaries but also still be open to love and hurt. My husband has lost it and is not considering anything other than his anger. I am now angry. I feel like I need time off from work, don't even feel like getting up in the mornings. My antidepressent isn't working anymore appearantly. Because my mom and sis both died recently, I feel orphaned, and my bi-polar addict brother and son are all I have left in my side of the family. My husband is an only child so sometimes he doesn't understand the ties of siblings. I feel like screaming and running away, far away for a long time, just give up and be irresponsible. I feel so sad for my brother and anger at my son. I feel bitter and my husband is beyond that. Wow, the difference a day makes. It has all been building up for so long, I feel really just like giving up on it all. Sorry for the rambling, I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired, but don't feel like fighting for my health at this point.

13 comments:

Sherry said...

I am sending my love and hope for peace to you and your family!!

Athena said...

It is SO hard sometimes... It's ok to acknowledge YOUR feelings and take care of yourself

~hugs~

Madison said...

I will say a prayer for you tonight.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

I would feel the exact same way in your shoes! You have SO MUCH to deal with! I want to run up there and help you runaway (co-dependent behavior?). Seriously, I am praying for you and do wish I could encourage you in some way. I do know that all the most horrible moments eventually pass and things do get better. I hope that happens for you soon.

ChaiLatte said...

You are overwhelmed, and rightfully so, as you have a front row seat. Can you exit that front row and do something for yourself, away from the chaos? Big hugs, and know that you are not alone...

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Thank you all for the light and love you have sent my way. It helps when I am trying to allow myself to feel the feelings that I don't want to feel. It is so very sad to watch my bi-polar, addicted, institutionalized brother waunder the streets of my small town with nothing but a backpack. My mom always taught me family first, always take care of family...it just hurts but I must feel the pain and realize there is not a lot I can do. Thanks for your support as always.

Annette said...

Just for today...can you let your husbands anger be his. Your son's addictions be his. Your brother's mental illness and addictions be his. And you be yours. Take good care of yours. Rest, drink lots of fluids, read a good book, be gentle with yourself. Your plate is heaping over my dear and its more than you can carry. Just for today can you set it down?

Mom of Opiate Addict said...

Annette, I love you! That was just what I needed to hear today, thank you, thank you, thank you:)

Marsha said...

those are all sentiments I fight with often myself, and understand.

Big hugs to you

Syd said...

I agree with Annette. Detach if you can from all the drama around you. Go for a ride, do something for yourself. Leave the others to their feelings. They don't have to be yours and only are if you choose to accept them and own them. Take care of you.

Her Big Sad said...

I will continue to pray. I hope you have found a bit of time to just take care of you..... and I hope you and your husband can find some quality time to just "be".... and appreciate each other. You are dealing with so much. Please know that I care.

Chic Mama said...

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this....and you must feel alone. You have had so much to deal with recently it's a wonder you do even get up every morning. Don't be too hard on yourself.....you're doing better than most. And now your Mother in Law too.....I'm feeling for you and your family.

Take very good care of yourself, you can't do anymore for them.But you'll be no good to anyone if you end up very very ill.

Thinking of you.

Chic Mama x

Anonymous said...

Turn it over to God. I know it's hard to detach from the people we love, but you are only responsible for one journey, "YOURS".