May 9, 2010

He Called

I was having a bit of an up and down Mother's Day today. I woke up and laid in bed for a bit, sipped on a cup of coffee and slowly started my day. My husband and brother picked me two bouquets of flowers from our yard and put them in lovely vases. They cooked both brunch and dinner for me also. Love them so much! We went to my Mom's grave today and planted a pretty miniature red rose bush, many people at the old graveyard today, more than I have seen in a very long time. I miss my Mom every single day but feel very blessed to have had her in my life for the time I did.

My step-son called and wished me a Happy Mother's Day and said he and his GF would be by later in the day. My niece called and asked if I would be around as she was going to come by with her baby boy (she is like a daughter to me). I waited until about 6 pm and my niece flew in the door, baby asleep in the car, gave me a card and kiss and left. My step-son never showed. I tried to push down my bit of disappointment, you know how it is, I feel like I show much love to them and usually am a late thought in their minds at best. I kept counting my blessings and thanked my husband and brother for their lovely gestures and love.

My son called at 9:45 pm to wish me a happy Mother's Day from rehab. He is still on blackout until this coming Friday. I must admit that I was a bit upset that he called when he is not supposed to, but so happy that he did at the same time. I agree with Annette's comment before, I don't think he is really ready, he has called me now twice and made a point to see me at the rehab facility twice. It appears that this particular rehab facility is also a little lenient on their blackout rules because they know about the visits for sure and on at least one occasion the counselor was there.

I am still strugling with what to do when he gets released from rehab, to let him come stay with us or fend on his own. I know what I should do, just not sure if I am ready. Two people not being ready, he with his addiction, me with my codependency, probably not a recipe for peace. I know, just have to get there.

Hope you all had a good day and all you Mom's out there sleep well tonight.


JacobsMom said...

Keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. Hang on, you'll get there and by God's grace your son will too. Happy Mother's Day.

Syd said...

I am glad that you had a reasonably good day. Expectations often keep me from fully enjoying the moment or the day. If I rid myself of those, then anything coming my way is good.

peglud said...

This is a beautiful post, with so many authentic feelings revealed. I know about being disappointed on Mother's Day. Maybe our children don't understand until they're older about what it can mean to give someone your full attention and truly make them feel special. It takes some maturity, I guess,to observe someone carefully and figure out what would please them. On my daughter's first day in medical detox, she talked some staff member in to calling me and letting her wish me a Happy Mother's Day. As sweet a gesture as it was, a red flag went up for me - that Hayley's manipulation skills were alive and well - and the professional staff were already being used by her.
It's such a hard call about where your son should go after rehab. How old is he? Are there clean and sober houses available? It probably would strengthen his recovery if he figured it out for himself - and then, if he was successful, he could truly feel the power of his choice and hard work. Dunno. It would be very difficult for me to not want to 'help'. Hang in there.

Kathy M. said...

Thank you for this post. Such an honest look at expectations and disappointments.

Holidays are a minefield, aren't they? For mothers of addicts, especially, but probably for most of us. It's that nasty "E" word that gets me every time.

Today, I know that. So I try not to have expectations and to be grateful for the blessings that come my way. My husband brought me flowers and a card. I had brunch with my step daughter and son-in-law. I took a nap. It was a lovely day.

I did think about my daughter. I thought this must be a very hard day for her, for reasons that have nothing to do with me. I know she's fighting her own demons right now. In a very real way, she's fighting for her life.

Honestly, I just felt compassion and love. And just a teeny weeny bit selfish for believing she "should" have thought of me.

Love and hugs to you.

Sherry said...

Hi Renee -

I have an award for you on my blog!