February 2, 2010

Trying to get in touch with how I feel

Saturday my son Z came and stayed the night. He was not high and in great spirits. My brother, Z and I had the best time, joking around and laughing all night together. It was a great evening all the way around...until bed time. My son could not find his wallet and was frantically looking for it. I told him to look for it the next day as it was getting late, but he wasn't hearing that. My brother came out of the bedroom and said he spotted it on the bathroom floor (where Z had looked). There ended up being $80 missing and of course my son was furious. He came to me and I told him he could confront my brother but I was going to bed and did not want a big scene right then. He was mad, my brother denied it, but we all went to bed. I told my brother that night if he took the money, to give it back and we would drop it. He again said he didn't do it and we all went to sleep. The next day my brother was gone. My husband found him walking into town and my brother relayed to him what had happened (my husband slept through the whole thing). My brother stayed in town all of Sunday and I did not hear from him. Monday he came by my work and admitted he had done it. We didn't have a lot of time to talk as I was at my job. He came by a second time later in the day and I was very short and angry with him. I told him to be there when I got off work and we would go home and talk about and if he wasn't there right at 5 pm I was leaving promptly. He was not there. I told him earlier that he would need to find a way to fix the issue and I am sure he used the money for drugs but that has not been confirmed. This just sickens me, my brother was doing so very well in our home with us and it looked like he would get off parole after being on it his whole adult life for drug use violations. As you may or may not know he is bipolar and his psych doctor told me that he is like about at a 10-12 year old level as that was when his first breakthough was. I know my son should have no money as he has no job...so draw your own references from that one. I have a counseling session tonight and think I will hit an Al-Anon meeting tomorrow night. This simply is not how I live my life and shouldn't have to. It is such a shame that a perfectly good day can be thrown into complete sadness and drama with one action. Such has been my life for many years.

Sorry if I rambled, I just needed to get this out of me today. I will be taking care of myself by going to my counselor tonight and a meeting tomorrow night, taking a nice long shower tonight and going to bed early.

13 comments:

Lou said...

You said "this is not how I want to live my life, and shouldn't have to". That is right, they are both bringing the drama to you. It seems they do that a lot.

It is just not up to you to get your son's money back (no matter what your brother's problems are). You cannot fix the incident, yet they both are pressuring you to do so.

Keep taking steps with counseling and AlAnon to establish your boundaries. It's a process Renee, and we all get to it in our own time.

Dad and Mom said...

I have never understood how an addict can say in one sentence that they want to be clean, they do all the things that appears they have that disire but all the time ACTUALLY planning the events and carrying out he actions to steal and then go through all the hardships it takes to get the drugs and use.

It's still a mystery to me. If you have that much control of yoour mind to enact a plan and logic dictates use that brain power in a more useful exercise.

Annette said...

Take good care of YOU. That is all you can do. Your son and brother can work out their own stuff. ((HUG)) I hate the chaos. Ugh.

Syd said...

You don't have to live your life like this. There are choices. It's not up to me to fix what others do. I like what Lou and Dad and Mom said--ditto.

Kim A. said...

Alanon taught me I didn't have to figure things out about the addicts and drinkers in my life anymore. That was freeing for me. It is amazing how everything managed to work itself out when I started to focus on me and let the world tend to itself. ::hugs::

Namaste

LisaC said...

You have made the right choices in your own life so that you don't have to have chaos and drama. Take care of yourself and stay strong. The fact that you are immediately finding meetings and support show that you know what you need to do for you. In this process, you are the one that is important. Hugs and prayers.

Barbara aka Layla said...

You're doing good. Its not fair that this drama is in your life but it sounds like you have a good handle on caring for yourself.

Heather's Mom said...

My gosh, what a tough situation. You are wise to go to your therapist, go to an Al-Anon meeting... and let the two of them work it out. My gosh, if it was me I'd go anywhere to remove myself from the situation b/c I know if I was there I'd manage to involve myself right in the middle.
From my perspective, you're handling things great, and have the right to say, "Arrghh!"
love & huggs!

Madison said...

With some people comes drama. When those people are around you, you have to learn to live around them, but detached from chaos. When you learn that, please write a blog and give us all tips. It sounds like if you want to help your son and brother, you won't change them. You've got to make sure they don't change you. Take care of yourself too. You're living in the eye of the storm.

Sherry said...

I hope you feel better today!

Fractalmom said...

it's really hard to stay away from the drama when it is in your house, hence why so many of us have chosen to not allow our children to live with us any longer.

take care of you.

Chic Mama said...

I hope the meeting helped you. I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry they are putting you under so much stress. Take care. x

Her Big Sad said...

I hope the drama is better and you are continuing to take care of you. I like how you knew exactly what to do: see counselor, hit a meeting, long shower and extra rest! Good for you!!