January 28, 2010

Thank's for the Help and Support

I want to thank all of you who commented on my last post. I have read your comments many times over and they are filling me up with your wisdom. I am stealing a format that Annette used and posting some of the comments that particularly struck me and gave me the reality check I was asking for. I think Annette and I are in a very similar space right now with our addicted kids. She had a couple of wonderful posts with many comments, check them out here I feel stronger today, and that I am grateful for. At the end of this post, I am going to put in a verse from "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie I read yesterday. It reminds me to go easy on myself and what learning our lessons is really about.

All of the comments I received on my last post were so very helpful and supportive, and below I have posted some that jumped out to me.

Madison commented:
Addicts seek short-term solutions. An endless string of situations where there is only one choice left - stop doing drugs - can end in a life-changing moment of clarity. Try not to be the short-term solution that keeps addiction alive.

If my child had cancer and chemotherapy made her ill and I didn't get that the chemotherapy was helpful, I would want to stop the medicine. Sometimes with addiction, it's difficult to allow troubles to mount - but this might be exactly what produces a turning point in your son's life.

FM commented:
keep contact to phone calls and meetings away from house.
meet for lunch, do NOT discuss habits, lifestyles, drugs unless HE brings it up.
let it go. it is HIS problem. addicts are very smart and resilient. he will get by just fine. or not. that is in God's hands, not yours.

Garnett commented:
That post was all about him. What's happening in YOUR life?

Syd commented:
I think that your son has become the focus and not you. I find that I know the truth deep inside. I may choose to deny that truth but have found it doesn't do any good to live in denial. Take care of yourself.

Kim A. commented:
When I am aware then I know I have tools to use. I double my meetings, I make a call or 3, I write it out, or blog it out, I pray for the wisdom to see that I am not my son's HP and don't see the big picture.

May 9th Mediation from "The Language of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie:

Life is a gentle teacher. She wants to help us learn. The lessons she wants to teach us are the ones we need to learn. Some say they are the lessons we chose to learn before were born. Others say they are the lessons that were chosen for us.
It's frustrating to be in the midst of learning. It is like sitting in algebra class, listening to a teacher explain a subject beyond our comprehension. We do not understand, but the teacher takes the understanding for granted.
It may feel like someone is torturing us with messages that we shall never understand. We strain and strain. We become angry, frustrated, confused. Finally, in despair, we turn away, deciding that the formula will never be available to our mind.
Later, while taking a quiet walk, we break through. Quietly, the gift of understanding has reached that deepest place in us. We understand and we have learned. The next day in class, it's hard for us to imagine not knowing. It is hard to remember the frustration and confusion of those who have not yet caught on. It seems so EASY...now.
Life is a gentle teacher. She will keep repeating the lesson until we learn. It is okay to become frustrated, confused, angry. Sometimes it is okay to despair. Then, it is okay to walk away and allow the breakthrough to come. It shall.

Sometimes we'll take a few steps backward. That's okay too. Sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes it's part of going forward.

Thanks again everyone....Renee


Syd said...

Good for you Renee. Every one of us has a slip once in a while. But awareness of when it happens and what choices I have make all the difference.

Annette said...

Love you hon. Glad you are feeling stronger. It still hurts....the goal is not to stop feeling, but to keep on and to make good choices for ourselves despite what it all feels like. I am working on that. I hope you do too. Take good care....you are a treasure and deserve to be cherished.

Heather's Mom said...

So glad you found some comfort. I get comfort and help from the comments left on my blog, but also reading other's postings and comments on other's blogs... thank you for your support too! :)
I just started reading Melody Beattie's "The New Codependency" coincidentally!

Kim A. said...

Alanon has given me the gift of being able to wake up and not have my son's disease be the first thing that pops in my brain. I go to bed at night now and am at peace most of the time. That is a far cry from where I was before Alanon. It was baby steps the whole way..and still is.

Hang in there, kiddo, you will be just fine.


Lou said...

I agree with the commenters that said "you do know" in your last post. Condoning the immoral or illegal activities of our addict is the ultimate denial. I've done it, but now I know better, and I will no longer cover up, lie, or turn a blind eye. If my son is breaking the law, I'm turning him in. Period.

You remain open and willing. You are going to be OK.

Cheri said...


I've been a bit out of touch, so I missed your post asking for help, but couldn't add anything better to what everyone said. So happy to hear that you have found clarity and strength, and want you to know you and Zack are in our prayers.

Cheri and Wayne