Well I finally got to see my counselor last night after her being off for health reasons for 4 months. It was nice to see her and listen to her comments, very comforting like an old comfy robe. Lately I have been catching myself when I go to do something for me, something to take care of myself, then stopping. I notice that I feel bad about having fun, or leaving an allowing someone else to feel lonesome. Now mind you I realize this is not proper thinking, but it is what I do and have done for many, many years. I feel guilt before I do something that shouldn't make me feel guilty in the first place!
So we discussed it for a bit and she threw out an analogy...and you all know how I LOVE analogies:) So here goes. She asked me if I had ever quit smoking to which I told her I had and it was one of the hardest things in my life to do. She said that these guilt feelings that I am having are embedded, habitual false guilt. It is a habit that needs to be broken. So she asks me what I did to quit smoking, each time I wanted to smoke like after eating, waking up, going to sleep, you know if you have ever been a smoker, you want to smoke after and before EVERYTHING you do! So I told her I refrained and moved through the urge reminding myself how long I had gone without a smoke and how great that was for my health. She said, do the same thing with these habitual false guilt thoughts.
As with quitting smoking, or any other habit or addiction, it is difficult at first, but practice makes perfect. So I am gonna catch those little nasty false guilt thoughts and stomp them out, then go forward with my own life instead of over-participating in others.
I am still trying to upload my photos from our little get away and will post something this week on that. I also need to start taking my health into consideration and lose some weight. Three major deaths and much grief over my addicted son has put an extra 30 pounds on my small frame. I need to take responsibility for the way I have handled my stress now, it is time. I also needed to put that in writing because it feels official now.
Have a happy week!
Renee
11 comments:
I quit smoking so I know what you mean about before and after everything and during some things (talking on phone, driving). I can relate to the guilt thing too. Sounds like your counselor had a good suggestion, I know you can do it! I have to do the same thing about my weight. Now I have it in writing too (yikes!)
I think you break an addiction by
1) stopping cold turkey
2) and then getting through the day one minute at a time.
Your counselor gave you good advice!
Great post. Isn't it odd how we want our kids to take care of themselves and yet we don't take care of ourselves? I felt for a while that I almost had to mirror the misery - and if I didn't mirror the misery, I was not loving and kind. Things like losing weight seem too insignificant in light of bigger worries. I hope you break into joy.
It sounds like you are ready to make some changes for you...that's great!! You deserve it - but it doesn't matter so much what other people think or say - but what you think and say to yourself truly matters!
gosh i know what you mean, my girlfriend has a birthday coming up and i wanted to get her something but then i was like 'well if i get her something she will be sad because she cannot afford to do the same.' she is having financial difficulties and is married to a real turd!! he is pretty mean to her and well it goes both ways the point is i was feeling guilty for thinking of getting her something.
or like when i showed her my new jeans for christmas she was like 'it would be nice to have new clothes' and that made me feel guilty. ok maybe i need to not hang around people who drain me of my sanity for a while. great post
Great advice. I salute you. I also used to feel guilty for enjoying my life when my alcoholic was unhappy. I also quit smoking. Two of my worst habits. I'm much happier now. And I don't feel a bit guilty about it.
sounds like good advice
Glad to hear you're taking steps to take care of YOU. I like the idea of stomping out the false guilt feelings, it sounds very freeing!
If you do want to quit smoking, the only way I've ever heard that works and STAYS working is the book "The Easy Way to Quit Smoking" by Allen Carr. I smoke and don't plan on quitting, but Heather had mentioned wanting to quit so I got the book for her... she sold it on eBay of course...
Thanks everyone for your comments. I felt empowered by my session and all the feedback. Heather's Mom, I quit smoking on 5/21/01 at 5:56 p.m.:) Cold Turkey and pure determination, haven't looked back since.
Great analogy. I think and do something that gets my mind off the old pattern of thought. I get out of myself by being of service to others in some way. There are many program tools to use.
What good advice I may try it myself. I always feel guilty for everything.
I also say sorry too much, it's hard to stop but i've got better since seeing my counsellor who picks it up.
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