Much has happened since my last post. My wrist still hurts and it amazes me how much a person who is right handed actually uses their left hand for everyday tasks! I am managing and it is slowly healing.
We are on vacation at the coast right now (since this last Friday). The week before we left home was quite eventful to say the least. My brother had one of his bipolar episodes and decided to try and journey down a rain soaked downhill trail. He fell and ended up breaking his collar bone. I won't go into that much other than to say he is healing and there is now a date set for his Social Secuity hearing.
My son came out to our house on Thursday night and asked if he could stay the night with us. He seemed straight and so I allowed him to stay. He shared with me that he bought a few suboxine and was trying to get clean. He expressed his desire to get and stay clean and to stop selling to obtain drugs and/or essentials. I let him speak and bit my tongue as much as I could. He wanted to stay another night with us but I advised him we would be leaving on vacation and he is staying at a place he rented with a friend. We sent him on his way with some left over grocery items we had at the house. I told him I loved him and to do what he needed to get healthy. We had a lot of conversation and most of it I was able to keep my "advice" at bay. He has no job, no money, no food other than what we gave him. He seems so lost, is on probation and they have started testing him more (thank you God).
The peace that comes with just allowing my son to be who he is right now is amazing to me. I still feel great sorrow and sadness for his struggles and that nagging little voice that says he could OD any minute, but I hear it, watch that thought go by and don't react. I have learned so much in a year it just astonishes me. I think my son is pretty blown away by my newfound behaviors (or lack thereof) also.
Even though I have a peaceful feeling as it relates to those around me and not getting up in their business, accepting them and letting go, I still am having difficulty in taking good physical care of myself. So, this week I am walking 1/2 hour a day no matter what and listening to my body during activities, when I eat or decide to do something that sounds fun but may not be what my body needs, etc. I truly need to learn to connect my body, mind and spirit. This has been something I have struggled with my entire life. It has been something I have been aware I struggle with it only the past few years of my life. I pray each day that I will learn to treat myself better and to be aware of my own needs.
I have missed you all and have caught up some on the reading/posting. I will be away until next Monday, then back at work, but for now I am enjoying myself. I find that while on vacations I truly live my life and stay in the present moment, enjoying what comes my way. I am determined to bring this back into my everyday life.
Thanks for all the well wishes on the wrist. My body is talking and telling me to go to bed now, so I am listening.
Good night for now...Renee
9 comments:
A truly wonderful post in so many ways. Reading how you've transitioned, detached and started to heal and process what you just lived through is inspirational. I hope anyone who is falling apart daily will read this and begin to think that they can get their life back before anyone else changes.
I'm so happy you're feeling more peaceful and taking care of yourself! I'm reading one of Melody Beattie's books, "Beyond Co-dependency" and it's helping me. Hope your wrist mends quickly!
taking care of yourself is the first imperative of the parent of an addict.
I would rather see my son on Suboxone, than heroin or street opiates. Of course, taking Suboxone without doing the other real work of recovery (meetings, therapy, job, etc) is NOT getting clean. But all things considered, I would accept it as a tentative step toward changing.
Your vacation sounds so soothing and relaxing!
it is so good to hear you are getting some much needed serenity in your life again.
take care of you and the rest will take care of itself
Renee, it sounds as if you are working at your recovery and it is showing in a change in behavior towards your son. That is such a great thing. It is God's work when others notice how different I am. Glad that your wrist is healing.
I will be picking up my son for a brief visit since he has to go to court here. He is not staying with us because I do not trust him. He accepted it well. I hope I can keep my mouth shut as well as you did..it is hard when I know he is "lost" too. I hope you enjoy a peaceful, serene holiday and your hand heals quickly.
namaste
Very inspiring post :) I wish you success in listening to your body and taking your walks. I have a hard time doing "for me" and at the beginning of the year started working out with a personal trainer at the gym (first time in MY LIFE going to a gym, let alone working out past when I break the first little sweat). Big change. I have a hard time with the guilt of "how much time this takes up" (such as taking your walks). But I've been thinking - there are so many people at the gym all working out, all taking the time for themselves - why shouldn't I be able to too???
I wish you success!
Hope the wrist heals quickly :)
God bless. Enjoy the rest of your vacation!
It was good to hear an update! You have grown a lot, it shows in the time I have been following your blog!
Keep doing what you are doing and taking care of yourself. I wanted to crawl on the rocks in that pic and do yoga! I pray for your son every single day (and all the others represented on our blogs). It sounds like he's getting closer to being where he needs to be. Enjoy the rest of your vacation!
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